Last night I opened the bedroom windows before bed...it was quiet and peaceful, just the occasional chirp of a cricket. At 2 am, I am rudely awakened by the sound of our neighbor vomiting outside (which I can only hope was on his side of the fence). He coughs, and gags and splatters for the next half hour, and if he were a nice person, I would be sympathetic; Oh, poor guy! The stomach flu? Food poisoning? Why don't you use your toilet like everyone else?
When we first moved in, I heard stories about him...but I'm naive. So what if he changed his name to that of a character in Greek mythology. Maybe he just needs a friend! I thought. I'm sure he's not that bad. And I was right...he DID need a friend. Because, according to him, his best friend was shot. Then his other friend was crushed in a combine*. Then his other friend (Jo Dee Messina) was burned at the stake.Then he warned me that he was cursed.
|*For those of you who desire a better visual.|
I think I would probably win "The-Most-Awful-Horrible-Terrible-Neighbor-Ever" contest, but I take solace knowing that one day soon, we will move and I just pray that he is inside his house when any prospective buyers stop by. Until then, I am slowly getting my revenge. Just yesterday, I weeded the garden and threw my weeds into his yard. I'm contemplating following the same technique the next time I scoop the dog poop.