Saturday, January 11, 2014

My children have watched porn.

Recently I read an article about the deep, dark confessions of a parent. It was posted and shared all over Facebook, and even featured on some prominent websites. I figured it must be pretty profound to get so much exposure. I read it in hopes that her confessions would make me feel better about my miserable parenting failures.

And the confessions were terrible. Brace yourself.


 This terrible woman doesn't always buy organic apples. Holy. Shit.
Non-organic = demon spawn


And get this...she has, honestly, no joke, fed her children boxed macaroni and cheese. I have no words. I can't imagine the horror those children are exposed to in such a household. There was more, but her confessions were things that I do pretty regularly and it never occurred to me that I should be confessing them. Now I know, and after finishing the article I came to the the general conclusion that, yes, I sucked at parenting exactly as much as I had previously assumed.

So, in the spirit of generosity I want to share a recent parenting failure of my own, in hopes that it makes someone, somewhere more confident in their own parenting abilities.

My children have watched porn.

It didn't look like this.

I had let my children play with an old computer that only worked sporadically, and to my knowledge wasn't even connected to the internet. Turns out it was. A search for "sexy Katy Perry" apparently opened the sexual door to perversions that even most perverted adults wouldn't want to watch. The best part was that my then 9 year old son and 6 year old daughter were both having sleep overs, so not only did I allow my children to be corrupted, I also destroyed the innocence of other people's children. Had the situation been reversed, I would have been furious. I made my husband talk to their parents and explain what happened, because I was hiding behind the sofa, hanging my head in shame. For some reason, my daughter's friend has never been allowed back.

I hadn't previously considered giving the "birds and bees" talk to my to kids until their wedding night, however, this situation made it necessary. I had to sit my 6 year old daughter down and explain to her that in normal sexual relationships do not involve one woman and five men, or ten women and one octopus.
Sexy.

I had to say things that I never imagined I'd have to say, and I had to say them without sobbing. My oldest son was embarrassed and my daughter was sad. Why was she sad? Because she wouldn't be allowed to watch it anymore. "But...I like the pictures!" she said. Heaven help me.

Her future.


Yes. I suck at this parenting gig. So, next time you're feeling guilty about poisoning your children with the sweet, sweet fruit of the non-organic apple tree, remember that mine know what a menage a trois is.






6 comments:

Karen Mortensen said...

Don't beat yourself up too bad. Glad you were able to talk to them about it.

Jenna said...

Unfortunately, things like that happen. The internet has so much crap on it. I used to let my kids play on my Kindle Fire until one day I was using it and porn pop ups were showing up. I don't know if they opened a bad link, or if it was myself, regardless my Kindle got a time out. I don't believe any of my kids had seen it, though they could have. I am not ready to have the "birds and bees" talks, but they will come sooner than later. Life happens and we deal with it. It was good of you to address it with your children and also notifying the parents of the other kids. You're a great mom :)

Homemaker Man said...

I lock my kids in a closet. An organic closet. Best. Dad. Ever.

Shell said...

I love this! I hate when people talk about their failed parenting moments and they are such silly things. I hadn't seen organic apple fail before, but I did see the organic banana fail. And all I could think was damn, your kid ate fruit, no matter what.

Emmy said...

Sadly in today's world it often isn't a matter of if but when they will see it as it is just out there so much and so many sneaky ways that people try and get you to see it. It sucks and I wish it wasn't reality and in my opinion shouldn't be but is, so good you were able to talk with them about it.
And if not feeding your kids organic apples makes you fail as a parent then I will never succeed as a parent :)

EstheticGoddess said...

This so was not your fault. I think you and your hubby handled it well. Look at it this way, it opened a door for your children to have a conversation with you about a topic so many never discuss with their children. Yes it was way sooner than you want but I bet your kids will be able to come and talk to you about anything now and to me that is not someone who sucks at parenting.

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