Sunday, June 23, 2013

My daughter...is a hoarder

 Last night while trying to tuck in my daughter, I tripped over a jump rope, which caused me to step onto her little coloring table, which spilled the broken crayons and stolen Sharpie markers all over the floor, and when I leaned down to pick them up, I saw the hamster poop.

We all have our limits.

 So, the kids weren't allowed to go out and play with their friends today until their rooms were cleaned. As a child, of course I remember the horror of those words. But the time for redemption had arrived.

Cleaning is not a hobby for any of my children, however it is always easier for the boys. They do share a room, so two kids vs. one room. And they aren't hoarders. When you keep a collection of all the price tags from all your clothes and stuffed animals hidden under your sheets, you might be a hoarder. When you keep every box from every toy you've ever received (and oftentimes the wrapping paper it came in) hidden in the closet, you are probably a hoarder. If you keep at least 6 water bottles stashed in your bed (just in case), you...yeah. You see where this is going. For example, after an hour and a half of cleaning your room, and you decide that this is the pinnacle of cleanliness:
Yeah. You might be a hoarder. You might need intervention.
You might be my daughter.

Several times, I have slipped in there and tried to secretly dispose of some of this stuff: like the size 2 toddler shorts in her drawer (that she insisted still fit), and various other...treasures. But they accumulate. They spawn. Like weeds.

A quick reenactment of the room cleaning experience, in HD, follows.

Delaney: "But it's my room! I LIKE IT THIS WAY! IT'S MY STUFF"
Me:   "Do you like spiders, too? Because they love messes like this. And that popcorn on the floor?
Mice like that. And who said you could even eat in your room?"
Nick: "MOM! I have to clean my closet, too? But, but, but...it will be MIDNIGHT before I can play!"
Delaney: "MIDNIGHT!" she dramatically throws herself onto her bed, dislodging various stuffed animals, coloring books, a shoe, my lipstick (So that's where that went!) and other things best not to be examined to closely. "MIDNIGHT! I'LL NEVER GET TO PLAY! HOW COME I HAVE TO DO WHAT YOU SAY? I LIKE IT LIKE THIS! SCREEECH! WAIL! SOB! CRY! HUFF! SNIFFLE! IT WILL TAKE FOREVER!"
Me: "It will if you cry all day."
Delaney: "HOWL! MOAN! POOR MEEE! WAHHHH! SCREAM!  I LIKE MY STUFF LIKE IT IS!"
Me: "And when you're done please get the vacuum from Nick, and vacuum the floor please."
Delaney: "SCREAAAAM! AHHHHH! WHY ME! WHY ME! MIDNIGHT! I'LL BE HERE FOREVER! SOB! SNIFFLE! I HAVE NO ONE TO HELP ME! NICK HAS SAM! WHY CAN'T SAM HELP ME?!"
Me: "Because Sam and Nick are cleaning their own room, and you made this mess. You're the one that needs to clean it up."
Delaney: "NOOOOO! THE BOYS MADE THIS MESS! THEY MESSED UP MY ROOM!"
Nick: "MOM! The vacuum is smoking!" 
Sam: Cough, choke..."UGH! It stinks! The vacuum is burning up!"
Delaney: "I can't clean my room! It smells too bad up here!" 

Depart stage.














2 comments:

Brian Miller said...

hahaha...laughing with you...
my son is pretty much the same way
his room is chaos...and we have to intervene once a week...cause it gets out of control...

AiringMyDirtyLaundry said...

My daughter is the same way. She doesn't want to give up ANYTHING. This is why I have to get rid of stuff while she's at school.

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