Friday, May 21, 2010

Contemplation...it hurts.

Several weeks ago, we attended the funeral of a friend and although she had health problems all her life, her death came as a surprise. 43 is just too young. And she left a 7 year old daughter behind. My friend Daffy is currently dealing with a tragedy of her own, involving her sister who has a young child. My heart breaks for these children who have lost (or may lose) their moms and for the families involved. I can't imagine losing my mom at such a young age. Even now, my mom is my best friend. Where would I have been without her to guide me all those years? I know my life would have been drastically different. And the thought of leaving my own children behind makes my chest ache. Missing their first days of school, first crushes, graduations, weddings. Of course, there's all the big stuff, but the there's the little things, too. The hugs and sticky kisses, the handmade cards that stick to the envelope from all the glue. Wiggly teeth and dance classes. T-Ball and birthdays. The hysterical giggling over a ridiculous joke they made up. ("Why did the chicken cross the road? So he could have chicken nuggets!" -Insert hysterical laughter here-)

Hearing about losses like these make me contemplate my own mortality. If I were to die, what would my children remember about me? Would Nick remember us playing out front, me teaching him to ride his bike? Playing Candyland by his rules, playing army? Or would he remember all the time outs and yelling? Would Delaney remember playing "mom, dad and baby" or "doctor/dentister" with me? Would she remember the times we played dolls? Or would she just remember the times we fought and all the frustrated crying? Would Sam remember anything at all? What if my husband remarried? Would he marry Mary Poppins, or the Super Nanny? Or would he take the skanky, bleach blond with the inflated boobs he meets at a bar? How would she raise my children? Would they call her "mom"? Could I come back and haunt her?

I know that nothing is promised to us, that there is no guarantee that there will be a tomorrow. It makes me want to hug my children tightly to me. To hold on so tight, that they can't get away from me. I want to hold on so tight that time stops, and we're all together, forever, our happy little family, sticky kisses, frustrated crying and all.

And my heart breaks for you, Daffy and your family. Thinking of you and hoping for the best.

21 comments:

Allison said...

This post hit home. I lost my mother when I was 8 and my sister was 11. I often think about all of the things I missed out on not having a mom. God has blessed me with a wonderful Mother-in-law though. I can honestly say that I don't remember my mother at all, unfortunately. I'm sorry for your loss.

Shell said...

I react much like you do when these things happen. I just can't even imagine.

Brian Miller said...

i cant even imagine...my wife lost her mom about 3 years ago and that was hard enough. i feel for them as well. if i was to die i would hope there would be a man to help raise my boys...i would hate for them to grow up without...

Christa Terry said...

Those sorts of things scare me, too. If I died today, my daughter would remember nothing about me or, if she did, it would be fleeting sensations or a song would spark an emptiness within her. But she'd spend her whole life never having known me, and it bums me out to consider.

Mrsblogalot said...

I think about these things also...probably way more than I should. I feel so bad for Daffy and her family. Shell's right, I can't even imagine.

Andrea (ace1028) said...

Same here. It's so scary to even begin to fathom what this is like for everyone involved. :( It just tears at my heart. Sigh.

On a happier note, I am glad to *see* you.

Amo said...

It breaks my heart when I think about leaving my kids before I am old and gray. Dying scares the crap out of me simply because I don't want to leave all the people I love. I can't imagine losing my mother now. Or ever. She lost her mother just a couple of years ago and I wonder sometimes how the ache doesn't crush her.

Susan Fobes said...

I don't like to think about things like this-like you it depresses the heck out of me and makes me wonder about my own eventual demise. And you know, I think all of us think like you and hope that it's the special stuff we are remembered for.

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

There's just no preparing anyone to lose a loved one. I know that such a void would be lost if I lost my mom at a very young age. Heck, even now, I would be lost to lose my mom!

What a reflective post!

Tom and Karen Mortensen said...

Wow. I am not sure what to say here. I am sorry for the loss of your friend. My niece passed away about 2 years ago leaving a little girl about 5. It breaks my heart but she left her lots of pictures etc to help her to know who she was and this little girl has a good family that has really steped in. It seems though no matter how old you are, it still effects you. My dad died in 1985, I was 25 and it still bothers me from time to time. Take care and just live each day the best you can.

Sharlene T. said...

I think they'll remember the good times and special scents you've embedded in their minds. May not remember it all, at first, but they'll be comforted. Unless you've been tying them up and beating the beejeebies out of them, I think they'll remember the moments you're worried about proudly, as in, "My Mom was really strict with me because she wanted me to be the best..." Just keep doing what you're doing and it'll all be fine...

Aging Mommy said...

I have read a number of posts about Daffy, who I do not know, today and this tragic story and your post is just wonderful because you describe so well exactly why this is such a tragedy. I cannot even begin to think of not seeing my three year old daughter grow up and become the wonderful young woman I know she will be one day without tears welling up in my eyes. I just cannot begin to imagine what this family is now going through.

Marla said...

This has really hit me hard. Just this week, I was with my sister as she went through yet another cancer surgery. Her first six being brain tumors. Knowing I could lose my sister has always been such a fear since this journey began. Then, to watch how quickly the poor Duck lost her sister...well, it is just absolutely heart-wrenching.

Matty said...

I can't even imagine. Having never experienced a loss so close to me, I don't know how I would cope. I don't know how they are doing it. But there is a wonderful support system out here for them.

Raelene said...

I lost my mom almost 2 years ago, and while I am grown (29, 27 when she died), it was still so very hard. She is missing out on all those wonderful things happening to my kids, and my sisters kids. I miss her every minute of every day.

Janie B said...

So sorry for the loss of your friend. My prayers go out to that family. When my daughters were small, I used to worry about things like that, too. It's not a good place to dwell, but it does make you want to do all you can to make the most of the time you have together. Have a great summer with your kids!

Cheryl said...

This is the very stuff that keeps me up at night. It's the unthinkable, right behind something happening to one of my children.

Very sorry for your loss..

Mikethelawstudent said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mikethelawstudent said...

I think this is something that is universally relatable unfortunately. My good friends mom just died of cancer suddenly. One month here and two months later no more. He is in college and took it pretty hard. I don't think its something you can take well. My dad is almost 60 and his mom (my grandma) passed this last year it was also incredibly tough even though she was in her 80's. Thanks for the post and sorry for your loss.

Mike

KANSAS LAWYER

The Empress said...

I know...I can't believe it myself. It would be wonderful, s someone said earlier, if all these posts to Daffy's sister were to be pulled together for Daffy.

This one was especially heartfelt.

I can't even imagine..

Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip said...

This is the saddest thing ever. To lose the ones that you love. A good friend of mine also just lost her mom and it has made it really hard for me to blog lately. I feel like all the funny, lighthearted parts of me have been drained away. I'm so sad for those who have expereinced tragedies such as these. My heart aches for them.

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