Friday, April 9, 2010

A Beautiful Day to Poop in the Park

The sun is shining, it's beautiful outside. So after picking Nick up from the bus, I decided to take my kids to the park.

I packed a lunch and we headed over to the "dinosaur" park. (So named because of the  dino footprints in the cement and the large dinosaurs that you can climb on.) All was going well, happy kids on the swings, happy kids on the slides, happy kids eating peanut butter sandwiches. Happy, happy.

"Mom? I have to use the bathroom!" Nick suddenly declares. So we journey to the toilets. "Closed". Hmmm. After a quick look around, I make sure no one is looking.
"Just go over behind that tree over there," I say. Thrilled to have permission to pee in the great outdoors, he bounds over to the tree and I take the other two kids back to the swings. Minutes pass.
Then he yells.
"Mom! I'm ready!"
"Ready for what?"
"To WIPE!"

Oh. God. Really? REALLY? Did you just poop at the park?

Yes. He did.

Right in the grass. Like a dog. And he's standing there, with his pants around his ankles, looking at me expectantly. I throw my hands up in the air. What? You pooped!? On the ground!? In public!? POOP!? What?! Wipe? You? IN THE PARK? 

"You said I should go behind the tree," he says.
"Yeah, but PEE! I thought you had to PEE!"
 "I did that, too. Can you wipe me?" he asks again.

What?! You think I carry toilet paper every where I go? 

Well, actually, I do.
I thanked whomever one thanks for such things, that we drove, rather than walked to the park today. I sprinted to the car, gathered up some wipes, hand sanitizer and an old rice cake bag. I ran back and cleaned him up the best I could. Then I disposed of the evidence in the rice cake bag. ( The bag which, I'd like to note, I would not have had if I'd cleaned the trash out of my car like my dear husband suggested. Then where would I have been? Exactly.)

Then I decided it was about time to come home.

Yet another chapter for the What You Don't Expect book...

61 comments:

Mandy said...

HAHAHAHA I don't know if I will ever stop laughing after reading this...and thanking God that so far I only have a daughter!

Angie S said...

Oh my goodness that is the funniest thing I have read in a long time!!! That would totally happen to me. I hope it doesn't! So funny!!

AngieB said...

Oh, Lord! Hilarious! And a very good reason not to ever clean out the car too thoroughly. Congrats, by the way, on your recent SITS day - it's well-deserved!! You inspired me to (with shaking fingers) type out a request to be featured. EEK!

Mrs. Muffins said...

Lol! I will never understand why bathrooms are always locked at parks. Always!!!!

cfoxes said...

My sister did the same thing once. At least we were in a different state with people we didn't know.

Tropical Mum said...

That is Hilarious--with a captial H!

You have made me laugh today. Thanks!

Have a lovely weekend.

Shelly

Aging Mommy said...

Oh my! Yes, the What To Expect Books don't exactly prepare you for real world parenting much, do they?!
I shall make a note to put toilet paper in my car and purse as and when we get around to potty training in our house - which my daughter shows zero interest in!

Susan Fobes said...

This is so funny, but you know, I had the feeling your story was going to go that way. LOL!

Tractor Mom said...

Don't you just LOVE boys! They are like their fathers, they just don't think like me do!!

www.frugaltractormom.blogspot.com

Sunday said...

Oh my goodness THAT was hilarious! I guess what they say is true...when you gotta go you gotta go!

Shell said...

LMAO Kids! I would never have guessed that he was doing that, either. Maybe I need to start carrying tp with me, too.

PaisleyJade said...

Haha - too funny. Poor you! We've had that happen too at the beach... they were busting to go so I spread out some paper on the ground by the car and tried to cover the goings on with a towel but the wind kept blowing and it was all a rather embarrassing disaster!

Bossy Betty said...

Oh! You are a GOOD mommy to have such supplies! This was so funny and I could totally see my boys doing the same thing when they were younger!

The Empress said...

I always carried wet ones.

And they always came in handy.

Adorable blog. I'll be back.

Mrsblogalot said...

HAAAA! I wish I could just poop in the park. I'm better at the beach.

IASoupMama said...

Niiiice... My son has, on thre occasions, peed behind the same bench at the playground. No problem, right? The playground is at the elementary school he'll be attending next year and I've got to impress upon him that he can't pee behind the bench during recess.

brainella said...

The things we do as mothers...

And I really want to read that book! Get cracking!

Erin said...

ROFLMAO! He pooped at the park! I love it!!!

I carry a kiddie potty in my car still for emergencies. Fortunately no one has ever had to poop in it. One time, my hubs took the girls to the park...someone peed in the potty...he DID NOT EMPTY IT, drove home w/ urine and toilet paper in the potty IN MY TRUNK.

omg. men are so dumb.

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

Wow ... and to think, I can't even poop in a public bathroom ...

qandlequeen said...

OMG! How funny.

Tom and Karen Mortensen said...

This was great. Congratulations on being so prepared. I am impressed.

Joy said...

wow! that is funny. I can't believe you were so prepared. I would have freaked but I guess when you're in that situation, you just gotta go all McGyver and figure something out.

Brian Miller said...

lol. too funny. actually we had a hard time getting my oldest to pee outside when we were in the middle of nowhere once...

Lauren said...

thats the best story ever...im sold, and going to follow you. visiting from SITS.

Marla said...

Oh my gosh.....I love your stories!

Cynthia said...

This post totally just made my day. You are a hilarious writer! Love it.

So...this hasn't happened to me yet b/c my son is still too small (poops in diapers at the moment) but does this rank up there with them pooping in the tub? Perhaps not as embarrassing...but equally as gross?

Hmmm...

r u s s said...

This is the reason why I think MOMS are one of GoD's sweetest blessings. Right? That was a funny story and I'm sure when your kids are older, it would be a story that you would love to share over & over again.

Buckeroomama said...

LOL, although I'm sure it wasn't funny to you at the time! :)

GlowinGirl said...

Oh my -- definitely one for the book! That surely beats my nephew dropping his drawers in front of church after services and peeing in the front yard.

Kids! Who knew?!

Kat said...

Too Funny!!! I'm your new follower from SITS! I'm glad I stopped by, wouldn't have wanted to miss this story!!! =P

http://sklub105.blogspot.com

Raelene said...

Hahhhahahah!!! That is the BEST story I've read in a while, gave me a really good morning laugh...thanks!!! Kudos to you for being so prepared, I must say I probably wouldn't have been so fortunate. ;)

mudmama said...

wow, it's just like having a puppy! :) One of those hilarious (later) mommy moments--thank God or wipes in the car!!

Suz said...

This is why you never clean out the car. You don't know when a rice cake bag will come in handy.

Your post made me smile and I could just picture your son's innocent face asking you to wipe him and having no idea what was wrong.

Kathleen said...

LOL! Too funny!

unboundandinoperationmyblog said...

OMG! That is friggin' hilarious!

Amo said...

That is hilarious! I'm sorry that you had to deal with it, but I laughed and laughed! My son always seems to have to poop in confined public places - and he still wears a diaper, so it always stinks up the room. I was in our accountant's office the other day and he pooped in his diaper and stunk up the office. He also did it at my OBGYN appt. too.

Just Breathe said...

OMG I can't stop laughing. I mean big loud laughter coming out of me.
This is the funniest thing I have heard in forever. At least you did better then most dog owners and picked up his crap! Woof,woof

Cheryl said...

Oh wow - both hilarious and horrible these situations that come up when you are a mom. And I totally agree, sometimes carrying what others may call crazy & slightly messy around in your car/bag pays off;)

Angie Muresan said...

This is so funny!
My kids would never think of doing their business anywhere other than on a toilet, but my husband and I have no problem.

Laura said...

Priceless! :)

eof777 said...

I thoroughly enjoyed your piece. You are hysterical... such great timing too! Happy SITS Saturday.
Cheers,
Eliz

Matty said...

This is just classic! Absolutely priceless!! One for the ages.

Lizzie said...

Oh bless his heart. Life as a Mom is never dull.

Unknown Mami said...

Oh, I got such a great laugh out of this one! I mean you did tell him to go behind the tree.

Michele said...

OMG... I can't stop laughing!!!
That was hysterical.

That's it. I'm carrying a roll of TP wherever Trinity and I go from now on.

CANT STOP LAUGHING!!!

Tammy@ Not Just Paper and Glue said...

ROTFLOL!!! Boys are soooooo much fun! I raised two of them :) Here from SITS.

elastamom.com said...

That is awesome! Thank God for wipes...right?

Stereos and Souffles said...

And this is why I carry a package of tissues when I play golf. I'm just sayin...

JENIE=) said...

o-oh! he really can do that? well, kids! but my kid went as far as peeing and not pooping. thank God! haha.

Kristy said...

That was hilarious. That sounds like something that will totally happen to me someday.

The Blonde Duck said...

I'm sorry, but that's really funny!

deesnotquitethereyet said...

that is so funny. life as a mom. gotta love it.

panamamama said...

So funny! I've sooo been there! The things they don't tell you at your baby shower, eh? (for good reason I imagine...)

Neva said...

That is what I like to call a Flummoxed moment!!! Good recovery Mom. And as a citizen of the earth let me thank you for bagging your son's poop, I just hate when people let their kid poop in my yard and don't pick it up ;)

Lorri Jeanne said...

LOL, thanks for the laugh today.

Sarah said...

Your blog is hysterical and this post had me at the word poop. Consider yourself bookmarked.

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Anne said...

Love it! When ya gotta go ... ya gotta go!

Anne
southernMOMentum.com

Hannah said...

Great post. I laughed out loud.

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Brahm said...

Totally awesome post, I laughed out loud right through it.

Good thing you didnt walk to the park I guess, don't carry wipes or tp when walking around!

Angie said...

I swear, I am laughing WITH you, not AT you. I can't believe he pooped behind a tree! Can't believe one of my kids hasn't done it yet, either!

My husband is always begging me to clean out the van, too. But I just know the minute I take something out I'll need it. So currently, I keep paper towels, wipes, hand sanitizer, zip-lock bags, garbage bags, extra outfits, OUST (after a particularly bad vomiting in the car episode), pull-ups, and only God knows what else in the van, housed in the largest size canvas tote Land End has to offer.

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