Friday, January 22, 2010

You guys are amazing. Love you all...

I wanted to thank you guys for the super nice comments you had left on my last post. I'm trying to get back to everyone, but in case I don't, thank you, thank you, thank you. I just want to scoop all of you up into a huge bear hug and squeeeeeze. Oh, sorry. I didn't realize you couldn't breath...CRACK...was that your rib?? Um, sorry...how about I just blow you a kiss...

Anyway, thank you. You guys are amazing.

The funeral was today and was, as expected, heartbreaking. I hadn't seen him since I was young, so I don't have any memories of him as an adult and it was hard reconciling the memories I had of him of us as children, to the man he had ultimately become and died as. He had two young daughters, their eyes red and puffy. It was so hard to look at them. His mom and dad, his brother, his wife...the anguish, oh, it was gut wrenching. Alcoholism played a big part in his death, as it seems to do in a lot of cases, including my grandfather's. Why are drugs illegal, when alcohol can do just as much, if not more, damage to a person and their family?

"This must be a lenient Catholic Church, because most wouldn't even do a service for a suicide..."someone had said. What makes them think they are so superior, I wonder. Who are they to judge? I don't understand. Which I guess is the reason that I do not agree with organized religion. But that's another post...

The good thing about funerals is seeing all the people that you really shouldn't wait for a funeral to see...people whom I hadn't seen in years. People and family that were once a very big part of my life. And saying "it's so good to see you again!" seems kind of out place when someone has just died. But despite the circumstances, it was good to see them. And my favorite part of the day came when Jen, my cousin with Down Syndrome, was standing by one of the tables rocking out to Johnny Cash. And I don't mean swaying back and forth to the music. I mean, all in, singing and dancing her heart out. We all should be so uninhibited and joyful. She managed to bring the mood in that room up a hundred notches, just by being herself. It was beautiful. In an otherwise heartbreaking day.

40 comments:

Christella said...

That was a difficult day but glad you could end the post with a beautiful anecdote. Please continue to heal.

Mandy said...

I hope you can all continue to heal and ignore ignorant people

Shannon said...

It sounds like it was a wonderful service. Such a nice way to celebrate someone's life, no matter how it may have ended. And I agree with your statement about organized religion. I have had many bad experiences with it. Unfortunately more bad than good. But it hasn't stopped me from being a believer. I hope you can stay in contact with everyone.

Angela said...

Number one... what a crazy thing to say about a Catholic church! I was raised Catholic, and I never heard of a single one turning away a funeral because of the way the person died.

Bizarre.

Whoever said that should have gotten a wet willy.

Anyway. I hate funerals. I told my husband recently that if something happens to me (or when something happens to me, I guess)... I want everyone to come in themed party clothes with lots of alcohol and a pinata. And I want them all to rock out and laugh and tell stories about how completely ridiculous it was to be friends with me. Because that's what life is all about. It's about rocking out to Johnny Cash instead of being puffy-eyed, reconnecting with loved ones, and it's about being so in love with life that you keep on living it, even while you're saying "see you on the flip side" to those you love.

xox

Maven said...

Yes, I'm with Christella.

Good thoughts being sent your way...

Willoughby said...

I was sick and away from blogging when you last posted, so I had no idea about what happened. I'm so sorry to hear about your family's tragic loss.

A friend of my son's committed suicide about this time last year. While the Catholic church allowed his funeral, the parish priest refused to perform the service. A priest was brought in from another parish. The family was devastated that he would turn his back on them.

I hope you're doing okay. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

AJ said...

I haven't been by to visit for awhile. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Last spring a friend killed himself unexpectedly, and we were all reeling from the shock for awhile. It's a really difficult thing to get your head around.

On a sidenote, I just read down 5 posts and I forgot how funny you are. Walmart is hell. SNORT

AMEN sister!

Noelle said...

i'm hoping you and your family find peace.

i completely and totally understand what you're saying about the devastation of alcohol. i can't even count the number of people that i know whose lives have been devastated by alcohol...mine included. innocent people have been killed in drunk driving accidents, domestic violence occurs more frequently, marriages have been ruined, suicidal ideations grow and fester when under the influence...and on and on. it will never be different, though, because the gov't is in bed with alcohol distributors. but...that's another post.

i'm so sorry for your loss.

Sarah said...

Sounds like you are starting to heal. It's amazing how an event like this can bring so many people back into your life...been thinking of you!!

Neva said...

I am so so sorry to hear about what you have been going through. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. **BIG HUG**

Matty said...

Despite the situation and the heartbreak, I'm glad you were able to see the light part of things in Jen's rocking out.

Susan Fobes said...

I know what you mean about funerals. It's the one time, besides weddings, where everyone is all in the same place. I always enjoy talking to my relatives! (Glad you are back and I hope you're doing better...)

otin said...

I hate the thought of being judged. Maybe that is why I am not religious. Everyone is loved by someone and it is painful to say goodbye to people. I agree with what you say about the alcohol. It seems that we pick and choose which demons that we wish to dance with.

Regardless of religion or how your family member exited this world, I truly hope that he found peace and is not judged by others in a negative way. It is impossible to put yourself in another persons shoes.

I hope that you are doing okay.

Alice in Wonderland said...

I was so sorry to read about your tragic loss. I lost all of my family within 10 weeks of each other, so I can guess that I can say that I've been there.
You have all of us out here to support you, so don't ever feel alone. I just cannot find the words to comfort you at the moment, but you will get through this.
Big hugs and best wishes. All of our thoughts are with you.

Amo said...

Children and adults with Down Syndrome have a light that lights up every room and every spirit. Like every child, they are sweet angels, but they have a special glow that I can't explain.

I also don't believe in organized religion for these reasons and many others.

Hold tight to your family and take care. I'm so sorry for your loss and the children's loss of their father. So tragic. My thoughts are with you and your family.

brainella said...

I do not believe that God would judge us therefore I do not believe we should judge each other. I agree with you about funerals; it brings us close again to people we should be with more often. I felt that way at my Grandmother's funeral last year. I've made great strides to stay in contact since then.

You are all in my prayers.

mudmama said...

I know that must have been so hard, big huge bear hugs to you, too!!!
I recently posted about an old friend (who I hadn;t seen in many many years) untimely passing and the memorial- I experienced the same thing with seeing old frienda there and feeling like saying "so good to see you" was akward due to the circumstances. i am with you on your comment about judging. How beautiful your cousin's unself consious joy lifted everyone up. Love to you and yours and again, my condolences!

The Wifey said...

Bruised ribs aside, many hugs in return dear! I love that you can pick out the beautiful moments in an otherwise sad circumstance.

JENIE said...

im back ;) and i've a tag for you here http://heniperrr.blogspot.com/2010/01/book-tag.html

blueviolet said...

What a wonderful thing to be able to see such beauty in the midst of tragedy? Big hugs to you, my sweet friend!

Theta Mom said...

You are in my prayers...I just caught up reading your last post...Hang in there!

Deb said...

hey, i am ready for that anti-organized religion whenever you are!!!!

my brother is an alcoholic and it nearly killed him this summer and the jury is still out about the future of their marriage. it's heartbreaking.

June said...

It is a shame that funerals seem to be the place where you see those people you haven't seen in a long time and really warms your heart.

Unknown Mami said...

I really believe that the purpose of funerals is not so much to say goodbye to the deceased, but to bring us together with those that are still alive.

AmyLK said...

funerals should be the start to healing. try to ignore the rude, uneducated people. they aren't helping the healing process with their negative thinking.

Susan Fobes said...

I'm back- I tagged you for a "10 things that make me happy" meme. Check it out...

JENIE said...

it's just today that i was able to have time to read through some of your posts that i missed in that 2 weeks of without my pc.

im so sorry to hear of the loss, though you're really not close...just the thought of such tragic event is heartbreaking.

just a week ago we were talking about this (me and my fam)...that when people dies, that's the end of it. i mean, in no time the memories of that love one gets dimmer and dimmer. not to you or the closest to the dead, but of the friends and distant relatives. that soon...you almost have never existed. that's why people who get to live their life leaving behind a legend that will be passed on from generation to generation are so lucky! Like Michael Jackson for one.

but you know what...for me what's more important is my belief that in this life there is an everlasting life where you will be with your love ones again to continue on FOREVER. hope we all get there ;)

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

So glad that your cousin showed everyone the beauty of life in spite of the reason for the gathering. As difficult as it was for you all, coming together in your grief was good for everyone. I wish all of you well as you heal in your sadness and grief.

r u s s said...

Perhaps times have changed, some Churches here in the Philippines allow to have the service ─ Religion shouldn't be discriminating right? If I am not mistaken, the family isn't allowed to open the casket though. I'm not sure.
••
I will pray for your continued healing so you and your family can move on. Sending love to you Despite my dislike for KA, napa-aww naman ako with this material. I can trigger people to make that move to plan for the future ☆.☮.♥

Kimberly said...

Continue on your healing path. It is going to be a rocky road, but you are going to get there.

You are in my prayers

panamamama said...

Alcoholism is a horrible disease. My family has the genes and I've seen so much hurt come from it. Sending lots of good thoughts your way.

My name is PJ. said...

Your head is in the right place because you recognized ignorance, but you appreciated the joy of your cousin.

I pray you and your family can continue to heal. Special prayers for his daughters.

Erin said...

You all remain in my thoughts & prayers---and I loved the bit about your cousin dancing to Johnny Cash. So sweet in spite of everything going on....

Flory said...

The funerals I've been too have not been for family members, or someone I was really close to. They were sad, more so for those left behind.
Sending good thoughts you way.

Mrsblogalot said...

Huge hug back to you!!! We should all do a little more swaying back and forth to the music

Angie Muresan said...

I was thinking about you this weekend, knowing what you were going through. Praying that peace flows into your heart and comforts you, his parents, his wife, and mostly his little girls.

The Waylaid Wordsmith said...

Alcoholism and mental illness are the source of most of my family's tragedies, too. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Our friend's funeral was last weekend and it was brutal to be at, but seeing all those people we don't normally manage to connect with - people you haven't seen in years - it's so strange. You're so glad to see them, despite everything. It's like a reminder to take the time while you can.

I guess I'm kind of rambling. Mostly I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and hope you're as well as can be under the circumstances. *hugs*

WhisperingWriter said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Molly said...

I'm glad you had a bright spot in the day, watching your cousin sing.

Raelene said...

I've often wondered the same thing since alcoholism took my mom. Why is it legal? It ripped my family apart.

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