Thursday, October 1, 2009

How do you know when you're done?

I had been feeling sick lately...tired, nauseous, headache...just generally unwell. I occurred to me that I hadn’t felt like that since I was...OH GOD! PREGNANT!

I immediately called my husband and demanded that he pick up a pregnancy test on his way home and he laughed. Laughed!



“I’m serious,” I said. He laughed again. Of course he’d think it was funny. He didn’t have to do anything. He didn’t have to suffer the migraines and the morning sickness and the fainting (yes, I faint, frequently, while pregnant-it’s a tad inconvenient).


And then there is the soreness and the waddling and that whole painful “giving birth” thing. He could laugh because he’d already done his part and I might add, enjoyed every second of it.

This was no laughing matter.

I have three kids. I’m happy with three kids. I’m completely insane with three kids. I can’t have four. No. NO! I wouldn’t survive, couldn’t survive four kids. Where would we put the fourth one? We don’t have any room. Was I going to have to clean out a closet so we’d have a place for another crib? Was I going to have to buy all my maternity clothes back on Ebay? NO! God, no. I couldn’t have another. I didn’t want to be pregnant again. I didn’t want to do the baby thing again.

That next morning, with shaking hands, I peed on the stick...and waited the two minutes. I had to leave the room so I wouldn’t sit there are stare at the test, praying that there was only one line. (Whether or not you’re hoping it’s positive or negative, the few minutes you’re waiting for the results are always the longest in your life.)

I tiptoed back into the bathroom, sneaking up on the test...and there was ONE LINE! I wasn’t pregnant! Oh...I’m not pregnant. OH! Oh...oh. Well, it wouldn’t have been that bad, I thought. What if it was another girl? You’d have two of each! That would be ok...the baby is over a year old now. They’d be spaced just right...

WHAT??
What?

I’m done having kids. Aren’t I? Three is just right. Isn’t it? Isn’t it?? Am I disappointed? Yes. I realized.

I was. I am.

So, what does this mean? Do I want another? I was so sure I was done; I sold my maternity clothes and gave the baby clothes to a pregnant friend. Replied in the negative, vehemently, passionately when people asked if I was going to have another. Hell no. HELL NO.

Maybe.

18 comments:

Vicki said...

Following from SITS, though I have been here before! I am struggling with the done thing too. I have heard you are supposed to "just know" when you are done. Well, what does it mean if you aren't sure and you get a little jealous when your sister tells you she is pregnant? BTW, I am a fellow Coloradan!

Theta Mom said...

I was on the edge of my seat reading this post! Funny how you think you're done, but then are you? For me, it's no question, I am done! But for others, there is uncertainty. For you, I think it's "to be continued..."

Veronica Lee said...

LOL, you really kept me on the edge of my seat too!!

I'm soooooooo done with kids.

One Chic Mommy said...

Lol... I was thinking omg what and what and what, at each sentence! I couldn't scroll down quick enough. Oh yeah the look on my face was priceless I'm sure, my son kept asking mommy what happened.
I felt like that with my second but not now. I am certain 3 is enough. So certain my hubby has an appointment to finalize the deal(snipsnip)!

The Waylaid Wordsmith said...

I always wonder how people know, too. I can't imagine being that certain. I know people who had two kids, decided that was it, and sent the husband off for a vasectomy before either of them turned 30. That boggled my mind. How do you KNOW that for sure? What if you change your mind?

When the baby turned 8 months or so I thought I might be pregnant and was totally freaked out (my husband was delighted too, the jerk). Then I was disappointed when the test was negative. Now I think I'm ready for the third...

That One Mom said...

I had my tubes tied 5 years ago. When my sister-in-law, Wonder Woman, got pregnant with their 4th child last year I was jealous. For the 1st time in ALL of my existance, I was jealous! I rememebered how much I LOVE babies and how sweet they are and how good they smell...

So now I baby-sit for friends' babies. I get my fix. The babies go home. No late night feedings, no Terrible Twos. It's great.

Sad part is, sometimes the girls feel tender and I feel bloated and it's nowhere near my cycle, I panic. It's woman-nature!

Lindsey said...

That is exactly how I feel right now! Pregnant with baby #2 and people keep asking me if were going to have a third. I say HELL NO but then I still could change my mind. We wont do anything drastic like tubes tied or the V word (like my hubby says) just in case :)
Do what's in your heart!!

Melissa Erickson said...

It is funny how things like that can make you question everything. I had a friend that would lend out her maternity and baby things but she always insisted that she had to get them back. She swore up and down that if she got rid of them she was sure that she would get pregnant again.

Andrea (ace1028) said...

Incredible post. I'm glad you're doing well, and I can only imagine how you must have been feeling. I agree, follow your heart! And your hubby's heart, too!

Susan Fobes said...

I really enjoyed your post because I think we all go through the "I do, but I don't" stuff. Please stop by my site because I want to give you an award...

Unknown Mami said...

I think many many women go through this.

T~T said...

I have been trying for #4 for almost 2 years now - no luck! I so sick of seeing a negative on the sticks! It is so personal though - having another baby is a hard decision! Good luck

tiarastantrums.com

Nikki said...

I totally get this too. My hubs just informed me the other day he wants another one. I thought we were done. I'd have to give up my Lexapro! I just don't know what I want. I wish I could poof one here and not have to go through the infant thing. I don't like that stage at all. I sure do love my babies though. I might as well. I've already gone crazy...so I don't have to worry with that!

Nikki said...

I totally get this too. My hubs just informed me the other day he wants another one. I thought we were done. I'd have to give up my Lexapro! I just don't know what I want. I wish I could poof one here and not have to go through the infant thing. I don't like that stage at all. I sure do love my babies though. I might as well. I've already gone crazy...so I don't have to worry with that!

Kacey R. said...

Oh man - I couldn't read your post fast enough. LOL I know we are definitely done - 3 kids in 2 years will do that to you. I would go for one more if I KNEW it would be only one. But twins run in our family and my husband would not do well with more that +1 LOL.

BUT, everyone around me has either just had a baby, is pregnant, or wanting to be preggers and oh it makes my heart ache a little. That sweet little one to hold and snuggle...Mmmmm. At the same time though, I am completely content.

Sharon said...

I am right there with you! I wish I knew 100% if we were done or not! It would make my life so much easier!

Areeba said...

You crack me up with this one. You are so right..at first we freak out about the thought of being pregnant. But the emotions you feel when you see just one line, is a complete disappointment. I have been there couple of times myself. I love your blog. Been on it for the past 2 hours now. Keep writing..love it!!

I am a new blogger mom. Started blogging when I decided to leave the corporate world and take care of my 2 girls. Would love for you to check out my blog
http://areebaathome.blogspot.com

Areeba

Andrea said...

Haha! Man I love this post. This just happened to me last week! Of course we aren't done but with our first only 8 months old, we aren't ready for another one...yet! But I realized that I will be ready at any point from here on out. Don't you just love the female brain??

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