Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Mommy Magic

Being a parent means using your deductive skills to figure out exactly what your daughter means when, out of the blue, says:

"Mom, what did you call those white things again?"

Several things go through your mind at this point...Pimples? The seeds in the watermelon? The little white tendon-things in the lunch meat?

Then you recall the car ride the other day. You were driving past a lake full of birds and you started singing a little ditty about them. Suddenly you realize what she's talking about.

"Pelicans, Delaney. They're called pelicans."

Strange Bird the pelican
His beak can hold more
Than his belly can...

It hits you with the depressing certainty the only reason you figured that out was because your mind, so accustomed to conversing with the under five set, is functioning on the same level. If someone were to ask something more substantial, like say, your stance of the healthcare situation, you'd most likely stand there and stare. And maybe drool, for good measure.

You develop some kind of sixth sense once you have children. Sometimes you can look at your child and know exactly what they're going to say next.

"Mom, can I have candy?"
"Mom, can I have candy?"
"How'd you know what I was going to ask?" they ask.

If that's not psychic ability, I don't know what is.

I remember being little and being amazed by how my mom seemed to know everything. I couldn't get away with anything, she always knew, like she had some kind of magic. Now, I know exactly how.

Looking furtively in my direction, Nick "whispers" (which for a 5 year old means talking slightly less loud than usual) into Delaney's ear, who is standing right beside me.
"Delaney," he whispers, gesturing at my purse. "Get mom's gum and bring it here."
Obediently, she sticks her little hand into my purse and starts fishing around.
"Nickolas!" I scold.
He looks at me with eyes wide with shock.
"How'd you know it was me?" he gasps.

Hmmm...mommy magic.

If I was always that subtle, it's no wonder I got caught. I hope he keeps the subtlety up through high school. I'll never have to worry about him.


Amo said...

I wasn't able to get away with much as a kid, either. My husband says I already have eyes in the back of my head, so I think I've got a good start on becoming my mother. Wait, did I just say that?

Michelle said...

I know exactly what you mean. My daughter will drop "clues" to a few different conversations we've had over the past week. I am somehow able to figure out how each "clue" and conversation relate to one another and answer her question. There's nothing like a Momma. This world would be lost without them!

Little Miss Muffins Cakes! said...

Ah, yes...my 11 year old son makes mystery statements often! Drives me nuts! I say to him "Zach, ya kinda need to give me a little more to go on bud"...they're so funny, kids.

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

When you mentioned little white things, my mind went to tampons! Yikes. Pelicans...much better!!

Anonymous said...

Yes! I know exactly what you mean. I dare not reveal that the source of my mommy-magic is the child's glaring lack of subtlety.

How did I know she didn't brush her teeth? (Dry toothbrush)
How did I know she was playing with my makeup? (makeup brushes all put away upside down)
How did I know she was picking her nose? (booger on the bedframe...ugh)
How did I know she was jumping on the bed? (insane loudness!)

"How did you know?!" is a constant refrain here. I always glare and say "I ALWAYS KNOW!", because if she finds out how I figured it out, she'd be sure to never make the same mistake again. I'm going to play the supernatural mommy card as long as humanly possible, because as soon as she masters deductive reasoning and it becomes a battle of wits...I am so screwed. ;)

Rocky Mountain Memoirs said...

Love the title to your post...so true! My kids are the same way. They can't believe what I can figure out.

Rianna and Eli s Mommy said...

You totally made my day!!! Rianna can never understand why she gets in trouble when Eli does somethign wrong... i tell her i have eyes in the back of my head :)

Vicki said...

Oh what I have to look forward to. I thought I was impressive simply because I could understand the way my toddler speaks and sometimes leaves out the most important word. I got some work to do to be wondermom

Susan Fobes said...

Just keep up the appearance of being all-knowing. I told my daughter when she was younger and starting to fib ("Who put the gum in the dog's hair?" "I donno...")that a mommy always knows, and I said it with that look in my eye-the same one my mother would give me-and she would spill everything. The look is magical...

Neva said...

LOVE this post!! You got it exactly! Wow. I remember my mom could see through walls. I use many sly techniques to stop my kids in the act. And I too, can quickly decipher "what are those things that move around and you hold a ribbon?" A kite, sweetie? "YES! I want a kite!"
Now if only we could harness all our physic abilities for the greater good of society!

Janie B said...

Moms have super powers! Everyone knows that! Ha!

Unknown Mami said...

My daughter is too young to have a conversation yet and I already find that I understand her more than I understand some adults.

BTW, I'm grabbing your button and putting it on my blog.

Just me said...

So funny! My grandmother told me that she and my mother had eyes in the back of their heads and that's how they knew EVERYTHING. - I believed them!

They were Goooooood! Now I'm just as good. Is that good or bad? ;)

I really like your blog!

Mom of Three said...

Lol, I hope he does too! And mine! Here's hoping!


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