Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Grasshopper genes

Look at this...

From a different angle, perhaps?

I mean, really look at it...


And tell me it's not the most terrifying thing you've ever encountered. I mean, aside from the way I look first thing in the morning.


AHHHH!

Really. I hate grasshoppers. And I'm not a bug hater. I'm the person that scoops up the spider in the bathtub and rather than stepping on it, I tie up its belongings into a little bandana and let it outside with bus money. I don't even take pleasure in killing flies. But grasshoppers. Are. The. Spawn. Of. All. Evil.

They are to.

They spit on you and have sticky little legs. They have beady eyes and crispy little bodies. I totaled a car once because of a grasshopper.



But despite this, um...aversion, I try to convince my children that they are just nice, friendly little bugs. No reason to run screaming into the house. Really. They're fine. They're fine. Shudder.

Delaney has no problem with them. Nick, however, is deathly afraid of the things. Not just "ew, grasshopper", but more "AHHHHHHHHHH!!! Oh God, Oh GOD! Get it OFF! AHHHHH!" Then he starts crying. No, sobbing. He is terrified of them.

It frustrates many of the manly men in my family.

"It's just a damn bug! It's not going to hurt you!" they say, repeatedly, as if those are the magic words that will suddenly make grasshoppers cute and furry.

And if I'm quite honest with myself, I realize that I do want him to be somewhat...I don't know. Tough? Masculine? I don't want all the little girls making fun of him because he saw a grasshopper and now he's curled up into a ball on the playground and is screaming bloody murder.

But grasshoppers...I completely understand. They make me want to wet myself. Makes me wonder...are bug phobias hereditary? Probably. As if my poor parenting skills weren't enough to scar him already, I had to pass down my faulty genes as well. Poor kid.

8 comments:

r u s s said...

Oh dear. Yes, the grasshopper does look scary. Yikes. Bloghopping.Ü

Rianna and Eli s Mommy said...

Rianna is deathly afraid of the things too... that's strange! I don't really mind them, as long as they don't jump on me.

Hey that would make a great horror movie, hundreds of grasshoppers in like a field...

sorry :)

Amo said...

I'm impressed that you are so nice to spiders. I hate spiders. But, the bug related to grasshoppers that I hate is crickets. When I was a kid, part of our house was underground, so we had crickets like crazy!! My sister and I were afraid of them and didn't want to touch them, so we would spray Windex on them to kill them. I know, cruel and unusual, and I would never do it today, but they freaked us out!!
Good luck with the grasshopper phobia. If phobias are genetic, my son has no hope!!
I like the pictures you used to tell the story!! Very funny!

Janie said...

They wouldn't be so bad if they didn't, you know....HOP! That always startles me.

The girl with the flour in her hair said...

Maybe that is the problem with them...they're too mobile! And a field of grasshoppers would be terrifying. Nick and I would be clinging to each other and sobbing!

Amo, too funny; I also grew up in am underground house! Although I don't remember any crickets. I guess I was too busy running from grasshoppers!

Anonymous said...

i live in a very hot dry town, there are literally millions here at the moment. covering our house.. everything. its horrible. i went to a party on a football feild, and it was a feild full of them!
i get anxiety and have been reduced to tears just thinking about going outside

Mathieu said...

We are in the exact same boat! I cant stand grasshoppers....had nightmares when I was a kid. I do the same with spiders btw...put them outside in a bush or something. At 30, I like to think that I am manly :p, I still have the same affliction...almost crashed my motorcycle last summer bc of it!
Are you afraid of frogs also? lol I am....I tried confronting my fear of grasshoppers, holding 1 in my hand...forget it, its the worst experience ever!
Anyways, just feels good to see I'm not alone to see the true face of evil...

Mathieu said...

We are in the exact same boat! I cant stand grasshoppers....had nightmares when I was a kid. I do the same with spiders btw...put them outside in a bush or something. At 30, I like to think that I am manly :p, I still have the same affliction...almost crashed my motorcycle last summer bc of it!
Are you afraid of frogs also? lol I am....I tried confronting my fear of grasshoppers, holding 1 in my hand...forget it, its the worst experience ever!
Anyways, just feels good to see I'm not alone to see the true face of evil...

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